What I haven't done, and still struggle with, it my ability to believe.
She didn't tell me anything about the hard work that goes into bring a vision to life. She didn't tell me that one must study a craft and know the rules in order to really break free of them and innovate. She didn't tell me that failure is to be expected on a daily basis; nor that this "failure" was the fun of experimentation as much as it was the frustration of defeat.
So, as a young girl, because I couldn't draw as well as she could, I declared the artist in me dead.
I gave up my ability to believe that I could be creative and talented. I allowed fear and self-doubt to undermine my creativity.
Sadly, the art teachers I had did little to recognize my enthusiasm and saved their effusive praise for those students who had the natural flair for reproducing what the eyes see. It never occurred to me, at any time, that if I worked harder, I would be able to produce something beautiful. I just assumed I couldn't.
Then last week, something happened. I was working on a simple necklace for a bead challenge. Nothing earth shattering in terms of artistic achievement, I know. But I had a vision for how I wanted the pendant to look...and it didn't work the first time I wrapped the wires.
But this time, I didn't give up.
I had an idea of what *might* work, and decided to give it a try.
And it worked.
|So unbelievably modest of a design, so unbelievably powerful of a moment.|
I'm hoping my brain remains in this mode. It's so easy to doubt ourselves, especially when those seeds have had the ability to take root for years. But an attentive gardener can clean out the weeds that are choking out the beauty...so now, I will add "gardener" to the list of of my creative abilities.